Praying For My Enemies

I usually like to have a person to hate.

It's better that way.

I can be chill in the rest of my life – magnanimous, forgiving – knowing I can harbour secret dislike for just one person. They can become a touchstone for my anger, a focal point for all my enmity.

And yeah, I get it, carrying hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, you're right, but maybe I can still outwit it –

And truth be told, most of my relationships are clean, only some of them are defined by our mutual dislike of someone, where I can, occasionally, hate hard enough for the both of us. This is particularly easy for me in business, where competitive jealousy can curdle around a person's moral vaccuum despite their success, or simply not liking their style.

Even so, I must admit, my happiness took a significant boost when I started praying for my enemies.

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I meditate through exploration, not grind. Just as Josef Pilates took a mixed martial arts approach to stretching - pilates integrated moves from yoga, calisthenics, boxing training, watching his cat - I prefer to add specific touches to my core framework that combines non dual techniques with traditional Sufi heart meditation.

One of the absolute gateway drugs for me has been metta. This is (for me) a highly emotive, gratitude based practice, a delight to do just as you're falling asleep. Wishing well on beloved people in your life, praying for their wellbeing is a pathway to many lovely things, including the sensations of the jhanas if that tickles your fancy.

But the game changer for me came when I bestowed devout blessings on those I disliked.

You should try it sometime; you might like it.

All of a sudden I could feel a camera switch of empathy. Despite our differences, our conflicts, to pray for someone's wellbeing (not their success - just for them to find happiness and peace, etc.) immediately helped me recognise our shared humanity.

I believe those we come into conflict with are teachers; the conflict often arises from a recognition of our shadow – people trigger us on the areas we ourselves most need to heal. That's why when I wish for myself, I hope for better friends, and also a higher calibre of adversary.

There's a feud in my extended family, and I have no kind words for the perpetrator, but when she happened to leave behind some biscuits, I said a grace for the first time in decades; I wished for her to find peace, and relief from the tortures of her own mind.

I pray for certain competitors in business to find the things they seek, and that they learn to operate with more kindness. I think about former friends and lovers, and hope they live their lives with richness and abundance, recognise them as valuable allies in our respective journeys, however brief.

I'm not so idealistic as to long for a world where we all get along and love each other. Passive optimists get eaten alive by predators; one must be active in our hope. And as I said to my young daughter after a nightmare, some monsters are overcome by loving them, and others simply have to be destroyed.

But we can choose not to lose ourselves in enmity, and instead see our own qualities reflected back to us.

We can see our shared nature, despite ourselves.

We can vanquish with humanity.

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